I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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