she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
