I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
