We're facebook friends in real life
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
