drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
