I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
