when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
