I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
