I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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