So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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