I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
