He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
