If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
