I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
