Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
