ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's blow job season.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
