Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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