He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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