you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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