im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
