I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just googled if crying burns calories
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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