I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
