i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
