I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
