I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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