I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
