i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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