I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
