dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
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