Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
