Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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