Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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