And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
