he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
