3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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