What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
