I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You can't motorboat a personality
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
