bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
