Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
