I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
