he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
