dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
worst night to have a conscience
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
