My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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