You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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