Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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