just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
