Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it's like iHOP with fire
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?