and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize