let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize