Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
