You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
