Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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