Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
