I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
