My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
