I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
