I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
