Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
