Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
