i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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