Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
