omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
