My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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