The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
