i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize